A Broken Cup

O Lord my God, I called to you for help and you healed me. Psalm 30: 2 NIV

            Crash! I couldn’t stop the accident but watched as in slow motion. Shards of glass littered my tile floor. I tiptoed through the debris to clean up the mess.

            As I sorrowed over the loss of a favorite mug, I noticed a large object at my feet. Instead of a cracked or fractured cup, I discovered an intact one. The glass on the floor came from the crushed handle.

            With the handleless mug in my hands, I marveled at its strength and resilience. Not a chip or crack marred its surface. A bump revealed the spot where a handle had been attached.

            With the cup over the trash can, I stopped and placed it back on the counter. Even though the handle was missing, I couldn’t throw it away. That mug reminded me of my journey through grief.

            In the last two years, I have felt shattered and broken because of the deaths of my dad, mother, and husband. Though parts of my life were split off like the handle of my cup, God kept me together. He gave me peace and strength even when I felt completely broken. He didn’t allow me to be destroyed even in the pain and sadness.

Lord, thank you for healing broken hearts and lives. Amen

The Wooden Turtle

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you. Psalm 32: 8

Alan’s turtle rested on my coffee table. He purchased the beautifully carved piece on a trip through the Panama Canal. 

Because of his own woodworking skills, Alan recognized the artistry and amount of labor in the turtle. However, his delight in bargaining skills made him attempt to negotiate  a lower price.

The artist wouldn’t budge. We walked away to explore items from other vendors at the market. 

“I really like that turtle,” he said.

“If you like it, go back and get it,” I replied.

We returned, and he tried one more time to obtain a lower price. The man shook his head and showed the underside of the turtle. Even the bottom was carefully carved. 

Alan agreed to the original price. Money passed between them along with smiles. Two men from vastly different cultures shared a love of woodworking. Alan asked if the man and his daughter would allow him to take a picture of them with me. The readily agreed.

The brown turtle became one of Alan’s favorite souvenirs from our world travels. Each time I look at the wooden turtle, I remember the fun we had on that trip.

The turtle decorates my room.  But only when I pick him up to wipe off the dust does he move. Even if he was alive, his travels would be slow. One steady step at a time.

Our special souvenir made me think. I would love to run through my grief like the cheetah which is another souvenir that sets on a shelf. But I must be content with slow plodding like a turtle.

Most difficult situations require careful, methodical steps. Often progress is only recognized by looking back. A quick glance backwards can give encouragement for the path ahead. However, lingering in the past can bring discouragement and despair.

Dear Lord, guide and strengthen me as I continue my journey forward. Amen

Ravages of Grief

Grief grabs like a vise.

Shuts out peace and joy.

Repels laughter

Sneers at happiness.

Then its grip loosens little by little.

Strength gradually returns.

Laughter replaces tears.

A shuffle turns into a skip.

A ray of sunshine appears.

The broken heart begins healing.

Like a bolt of lightning, it returns

And rips off the tender scab of healing. 

Exposes loneliness, tears, and sadness.

But each unwelcome visit gets a tiny bit shorter.

Less intense and not quite as devastating.

Only by looking back

Can progress be appreciated.

A sense of wonder at the advancement

With every agonizing step. 

Encouragement for the journey ahead.

Hope in the Storms

Psalm 27: 1 The Eternal is my light against darkness and my rescue in times of trouble. So whom shall I fear? The Voice

Blustery gales whistled. Waves rose and rushed across the lake. Trees wobbled and teetered. Dark clouds hovered and masked the sun.

I pulled my plush blanket tighter to block out the cold and watched the scene unfold. A trio of dark birds twisted in the currents high above the lake. A great white egret pondered the dark water. Then he snatched breakfast with his long, slender beak.

A cardinal clicked repeatedly from a naked, swaying cypress. His color muted in the morning’s dreariness. 

Only the egret’s brilliant whiteness offered an escape from the gloom. He marched over mounds of dead leaves to reach the water. In spite of the turbulence, he stayed on task. Pencil thin legs supported his graceful body. Wind battered his feathers. He remained firm. 

A songbird’s music pierced the howling wind. Brown leaves, whipped by the wind, remained  secure as they clung to battered stems. In the midst of the storm, God revealed His lessons. 

Life batters, shakes, and destroys. There are choices. I can withdraw in agony and cry in despair. Or I can cling tightly to God, learn from the trials, and sing again. 

Some days I held on by a teeny thread, but God held tightly. When grief thrashed and bruised me, I received strength to go on. Music lifted my spirit and touched my heart. 

As I wrote my thoughts, a brief shaft of sunlight grazed the lake. The beams reminded me that God is in control during the good times and also the hard ones. Even in the storms, there are rays of hope.

Loving Father, thank you for supporting me when I felt despair. Your love guides and enfolds me through the storms. Amen

Learning from a Child

At that time Jesus, full of joy through the Holy Spirit said, “I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children. Yes, Father, for this was your good pleasure.” 

Luke 10: 21 NIV 

“Grandma, I couldn’t find baby last night,” Molly stated.

I’d slept in the trundle next to her bed but didn’t hear her in the night.

Even though stuffed animals covered her bed, she needed her baby. The heavily loved soft doll’s wrinkled, worn body gave Molly comfort.

“I was going to wake you up,” she said, “but I thought you needed rest. I found her on the floor.” 

With a tug on my heart, I answered, “I’m glad you found her.”

Molly’s nonchalant announcement about my need for rest touched me. Despite her urgent need to find baby, she willingly put her feelings aside for me. 

Most four year olds aren’t so selfless. In fact, most adults struggle to put others first too.

When I’m inclined to put my needs ahead of someone else’s, Molly’s example will remind me of Jesus’ teachings to love others as we love ourselves. 

Heavenly Father, thank you for the lessons I can learn from children. Help me to follow the instructions. Amen

Amazing Visit

Weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning. Psalm 30:5 NIV

“Grandma, look!” Emily exclaimed.

Ashlyn, Emily, Molly, and I stopped eating breakfast. We peered at the girls’ waning butterfly garden just outside the window.

A dazzling male cardinal perched on a slender milkweed stem hardly strong enough to support him. He swayed. We marveled at the first ever visit there by a cardinal. 

As we stared at the scarlet bird, his golden mate joined him in the garden. 

Excited comments came from three thrilled granddaughters. They jumped up and hurried to the window. 

“Look at the cardinal.”

“We’ve never had them in the garden.”

“The female came too.”

While we stared, the couple flew to the wooden fence nearby. With a flap of their wings, they disappeared.

The timing of the unusual visit warmed my heart and comforted me. That day marked the first anniversary of Alan’s death. A day I anticipated to be difficult and sad.  

For me, the sudden, brief visit brought a message and reminded me that Alan loved me and knew I would be taken care of. 

Throughout the year since Alan’s death, God has provided for me in unexpected and comforting ways. The cardinal couriers delivered a message I needed that morning. 

With a grateful heart, I made it through the day because of the love and support of family and friends. Including my feathered ones. 

Yahweh Yireh, who provides for my needs, thank you for continually surprising me with your blessings. Amen

God Showed Up

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9 NIV

The same room. Tears gathered with memories. Alan sat in that room a couple of years ago.  I watched. The doctor removed multiple skin cancers from Alan’s face and body. 

I waited and wondered. Was it my turn? Would my bumps be cancer again? 

When the doctor came in, I pointed out the spots.

“No, that is ok. That one is fine too. If it bothers you, I can remove that one, but it isn’t cancer.”

My relief quickly turned to concern as he said, “This one is different. I need to do a biopsy.”  

He jabbed. I remembered. 

“Who is here with you?” he asked.

“No one. My husband passed away.”

“I’m sorry. Call next week for the results of your biopsy.”

Cancer. The hated word brought fear and loneliness. I couldn’t share the news with Alan or receive his assurances. 

As I left the office, loneliness clutched me. In my car, I hugged the steering wheel and cried. No one even tapped the window to see if I was alive. Cars filled the parking lot, but not one person was around.

Years ago I learned of my cancers when I was alone too. However, the last one seemed worse. Combined with so many losses, the news ignited my imagination.

Finally, the tears stopped. Reason returned. I knew numerous family members and friends who had dealt with skin cancers. They all survived.

When I reached for my phone to turn it on, a message blinked. My cousin sent a quote from CS Lewis: “We read to know that we are not alone.”

How timely. I sent her a message about my situation and how her text comforted me. I recalled time after time when God had shown up through trials. My spirits lifted a bit. 

With extra time before meeting a friend for lunch, I passed by the first house my parents bought in Florida. Just as I drove down the street, my brother called. I gave him a description of the house and yard. 

Then I told him about my doctor’s visit. He listened and understood.

He reminded me of the house where a friend’s mother still lived around the corner from our house. I turned onto her street and saw my friend outside. Another surprise.

The timing stunned both of us. When I explained about my procedure and tears, she hugged me. 

“God brought us together,” she said.

For a few minutes, I talked with her and her mom. A special visit that revived me.

At the restaurant, an old friend and I shared our lives. My fourth miracle.

When I felt so scared and alone, God supplied four people to offer comfort, love, and support. A text, a phone call, a surprise encounter, hugs, and visits. He knew what I needed and brought it all together.

Alan’s final words, only hours before he died, continue to lift me up and remind me of God’s provision. “Do not be afraid or discouraged. The Lord is with you always.”

I know that God will supply what I need. I am reminded that He often uses His people to do that. I want to be open to His promptings so I can be part of His plan for others.

Heavenly Father, thank you for giving me what I need. Help me to be aware each day of what you want me to do. Amen