Joy in the Gloom

Mist swirled over the lake like a troupe of ballerinas. Raindrops dimpled the water. A slate sky shut out the sun like a forbidding door. 

In my small oak tree, a female cardinal perched briefly. Cold damaged grass exchanged brilliant green for dismal brown. Once vibrant plants along the shore looked a forlorn yellowish brown. Despite the gloom and chill of the morning, I felt peace and joy.

Wrapped in my fuzzy robe and a warm blanket, I enjoyed the show. Tiny birds hopped on bare branches. Rain pattered on the roof. Birds chirped. 

Dancing clouds on the lake twirled in all directions. Running and jumping with exuberance. Though I couldn’t catch them, I knew they were real. 

Their performance reminded me of Alan. No longer can I grasp his hand or embrace him in a loving hug. But his spirit lives on. His legacy of kindness, service, and love continues in all who knew him. 

In heaven, his new body is free of pulmonary fibrosis and he can move easily. 

Like the song “I Can Only Imagine”, I don’t know exactly what he is doing or who he is seeing. But I know he is rejoicing with Jesus. That gives me peace and comfort.

“God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.” Then He who sat on the throne said, “Behold I make all things new.”

Revelation 21: 4-5 NKJV

Lord, thank you for giving comfort to those of us who are left behind. Amen

The Papers

The security guard smiled. I took my number, found a seat, and waited. All ages of people surrounded me. Only a few conversations were audible. 

A young couple with a baby sat behind me. He talked and talked. Complained about the way she treated him. They argued. I wanted to shout at them to stop. They still had each other. My patience with selfish, petty behavior was gone. 

My number was called. I sat down at the window and pulled out my paperwork. 

“How may I help you?” the worker asked.

All I could muster was, “My husband passed away.” Then I slid my papers to her.

She understood though my words wouldn’t come because of the tears.

Three items: a marriage license, a death certificate, and a driver’s license. Two deaths. A wonderful marriage and a special life. 

How happy we were the day we signed our marriage license. A new life together full of love and dreams. 

How horrible is was the day I received the death certificate with his ashes. The close of a life here filled with loneliness. 

It seemed so cold and harsh to reduce a life to two papers. A beginning and an end. 

While she worked on her computer, she passed a box of kleenex to me. A roomful of people, but I was so alone. The ordeal wasn’t even over. She set up a phone interview to finalize the process in March. 

“Take it one day at a time,” she told me as I left.

I could only nod. More tears threatened. 

In the car, a flood of tears came as grief overtook me for a few minutes. Then they slowed to a trickle. The car moved on and so did I. The driver’s license led me to the future. Life wasn’t over even though it felt like it. 

In my mixed up world, God enfolds me and tells me that I will heal--eventually. He sends family and friends to console and encourage. No one can take away the grief, but each act of kindness makes the journey a little easier. 

Those who have traveled this same road tell me that it will get better. In the meantime, I have to endure the pain, cling to the memories, and rest in God’s care. 

Psalm 34: 18 When someone is hurting or brokenhearted, the Eternal moves in close and revives him in his pain. (The Voice)

Loving Father, hold me close and heal my wounds. Amen

Thank You

The fog continues but patches of sunshine break through with each prayer, card, hug, card, email, call, visit, story, flower, presence at Alan’s service... My heart fills with thankfulness for each one. However, a simple thank you doesn’t express how much I have been uplifted, encouraged, and loved by hundreds of family members and friends. 

I constantly think of the love and support you have shown. God’s love shines and Alan rejoices. 

His service truly was a celebration which continues in my life and hopefully, in yours too. I prayed, along with others, that I would remain strong for Alan’s send off party, and God answered those prayers.

Even in my tears, I feel blessed and so thankful for the time we shared. During eight and a half years of marriage and almost seven years of dating ( I guess Alan wanted to be sure we were compatible), we crammed a lifetime of living. Wonderful memories comfort me and challenge me to continue living.

Gradually, I am working to extend personal thanks, but for now, accept this message as I send my love and Alan’s. 

The Fog

Fog obscured the lake. Haze drifted over the trees. Bare cypress stood as sentinels near the shore. A duo of bird calls broke the silence. Then a splash. Faint waves and shadowy shapes floated through the grayness .

Dim light revealed a wall of trees across the lake. Drips from the roof punctuated the quietness. The surreal scene contrasted with the normal sunny picture.

Since Alan’s death, my life has been enveloped in a similar fog. Shadowy. Silent at times. I struggle to peer through the clouds but nothing is clear. Memories surface constantly. But reality is elusive. The distance is a blur. The future too painful to imagine. 

However, tiny steps along the edge are manageable. The haze offers protection for a time. Gradually, light will break through. Broken pieces will be formed by the Master Craftsman into a new life. Remnants of the old pieced together for His plan. 

After you have suffered for a little while, the God of grace who has called you (to His everlasting presence) through Jesus the Anointed will restore you, support you, strengthen you, and ground you. For all power belongs to God, now and forever. Amen

1 Peter 5: 10-11 (The Voice)

Master Creator, thank you for guiding me through the fog and offering comfort as I learn a new path. Amen

Astonishing Gifts

“I want to get you some flowers,” Alan said. “I would like to keep fresh flowers in the house.”

None at the grocery store satisfied us. He wanted to find a florist but time ran out. 

The day he left for heaven a friend surprised me with delicate, pink tulips. 

Before dawn two days later, I opened the door to get the newspaper.  The porch light spotlighted three, lovely white roses. In amazement, I searched for a card. There was none. With tears streaming down my face, I lovingly placed the vase on our counter. I still don’t know who set them by the door. It doesn’t matter. Someone was led to comfort me with flowers. They didn’t know Alan’s plan, but God did.

The following day another package arrived. Inside were a dozen beautiful, white roses from Joe and Robert. More flowers for me just as Alan desired.

Even though Alan was gone, God carried out his wishes through other people. What a comfort and blessing. Through my grief and tears, He has been providing for me and will continue. What an awesome God.

Most of all, friends, always rejoice in the Lord! I never tire of saying it: Rejoice! Keep your gentle nature so that all people will know what it looks like to walk in His footsteps. The Lord is ever present with us. Don’t be anxious about things; instead, pray. Pray about everything. He longs to hear your requests, so talk to God about your needs and and be thankful for what has come. And know that the peace of God (a peace that is beyond any and all of our human understanding) will stand watch over your hearts and minds in Jesus, the Anointed One. Philippians 4: 4-7 (The Voice) 

Heavenly Father, thank you for meeting my needs in unexpected ways. Amen

The God who spoke light into existence, saying, “Let light shine for the darkness”, is the very One who sets our hearts ablaze to shed light on the knowledge of God’s glory revealed in the face of Jesus, the Anointed One. But this beautiful treasure is contained in us-cracked pots made of earth and clay-so that the transcendent character of this power will be clearly seen as coming from God and not from us. We are cracked and chipped from all our afflictions on all sides but we are not crushed by them. We are bewildered at times, but we do not give in to despair. We are persecuted, but we have not been abandoned. We have been knocked down, but we are not destroyed...

So we have no reason to despair. Despite the fact that our outer humanity is falling apart and decaying, our inner humanity is breathing in new life every day. You see, the short-lived pains of this life are creating for us an eternal glory that does not compare to anything we know here.  2 Corinthians 4: 6-9 and 16-17  (The Voice)

This Scripture says perfectly what Alan experienced here and what he has now. I want to remember his peace and boldness in sharing Jesus so that I can do the same. Though I ache to have him beside me, I know he is beaming in heaven with eternal glory. 

Heavenly Father, thank you for Alan’s life and how he let you shine through his cracked pot. Make me strong and courageous so that I can share his legacy. Amen

Alan H. Carpenter

With rejoicing as he prepared for his final journey, Alan left for heaven on January 11, 2014. After 74 years of living life to its fullest, his battle with pulmonary fibrosis ended.

Alan began life in Newton, Iowa, on May 5, 1939. He was born to Harold and Mabel Carpenter. After finishing Newton High School, he graduated from Luther College which gave him a firm foundation for his faith with God. 

His career with Travelers Insurance began in Iowa as a claims adjustor and ended in management forty-two years later in Orlando after also working in Montana and Connecticut.

After retiring, Alan married his wife Rebecca and continued traveling, which covered all seven continents and eighty-nine countries, for both pleasure and missions. His passion for serving took him on twenty-nine mission trips to places such as South Sudan, Ethiopia, Cuba, Peru, China, Jamaica, and Namibia. Thousands of lives were changed because of the reading glasses he gave out and because of his love for Jesus. Even tethered to O2, he wanted to take another mission trip. 

Nearer home, he volunteered with Friends of the Library and was a Citizen on Patrol for Seminole County. 

He was preceded in death by his parents, infant sister, and daughter Stephanie Silacci. He is also survived by his wife, brother Dave (Donita) Carpenter, sister JoAnn (Tom) Reninger, uncle Gerald (Dorothy) Carpenter, step son Chris (Anne)Storms, niece, nephew, cousins, and granddaughters. 

A celebration of his life will be held on Tuesday, January 21, at 4 p.m. at Northland Church in Longwood, FL. 

Donations may be made to the Alan and Rebecca Carpenter Endowment Scholarship. Luther College.  Attn: Doug Nelson; 700 College Dr.; Decorah, Iowa 52101-1043 or 

Halifax Health Hospice:  Attn, Vicki Viscomi; 3800 Woodbriar Trail; Port Orange, FL 32129

The Way to Heaven

“Do not be afraid or discouraged. The Lord is with you always. I love you.”

Those words have played over and over in my mind the last two days. How comforting they have been as I have shared with friends and family. Alan’s final words to me showed his deep faith and reassured me that God would be with me during my time of grief and beyond. 

Though we knew his disease was progressing, his passing early Saturday morning was a complete shock. Thursday and Friday he struggled to breathe and needed medication to help him.

In spite of the difficulties of breathing, with a raspy voice, he shared with three of my friends on Friday afternoon about his faith and radiated the love of Christ joyously. 

When he wasn’t too exhausted, he loved sharing God’s words with visitors. He prayed for wisdom before each visit and asked for the right words. Though tethered to an oxygen line, his spirit remained strong as his body weakened. His messages were powerful.

His peace about his upcoming death never wavered. Even when he reminisced about playing racquet ball and being strong, he was never angry or bitter about his condition. 

The graceful way he handled dying was a gift to me and those around him. The peace he received enveloped me, and I pray will comfort our friends and family.

His celebration of life service will be at 4pm on January 21 at Northland Church in Longwood, FL.  

Golden Seasons

Half naked golden cypress ringed the lake. Their brilliant red and gold leaves outclassed the green pines. In various stages of undress, twists and turns of the limbs became evident. Years of difficulties showed tangled limbs but all ultimately pointed upward. They reached toward the sun who supplied their strength.

Only one cypress remained green and full refusing to enter the final season of the year. Though the color dulled, the leaves clung stubbornly while attempting to prevent the inevitable. 

Our culture relentlessly entices people to try to stay young. An impossible task which can only bring disappointment and discouragement.

Like the colorful cypress trees, age strips away our masks. Exposure shows fears, challenges, hopes, dreams ... No longer do we need to pretend we have it all together and that life is always grand. Christians also raise hands and hearts to the Son who gives us strength. Gnarled, twisted lives are renewed and straightened. 

Increasing age doesn’t have to be a time of gloom and despair but can be a season to shine to enrich younger lives. 

Proverbs 16: Gray hair is a crown of splendor; it is attained by a righteous life.

Proverbs 19: 20-21 Listen to advice and accept instruction, and in the end you will be wise. Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails. (NIV)

Heavenly Father, direct your children in each stage of life. Amen