Returning Home

                                        What stories the 2,000 year old steps could tell of travelers on many journeys.

...Your ways and Your voice now guide my journey. I will press on-moving steadfastly forward along Your path. I will not look back. I will not stumble. Psalm 17: 4-5 The Voice

Since returning home  from my trip following the journeys of Paul, I have thought of the impact it had on me. Jet lag tiredness and fogginess finally drifted away so I could  process and write about the effects. 

It is difficult knowing where to start. Do I write in sequence or the parts that affected me deeply? Do I state the facts about the sites or emotions that overwhelmed me? 

Along with the fantastic experiences, there were times of anxiety because of health issues and periods of grief. Members of our group loved, supported, and lifted me up. Though difficult at times, the trip helped me travel further on my grief journey.

Each time a problem occurred, I missed Alan terribly. He had been the one who took charge and protected me. Often with tears, I trudged on and thought of what he would have done. 

My roommate Susie and I faced our recent widowhood together and remembered our trip to Israel in 2009 with our husbands. We spent hours remembering, grieving, laughing and healing. 

Some places and situations brought instant tears. Others brought giggles. Along with fellow travelers, we benefited from hundreds of prayers. Thank you for every prayer for our group. We felt them.

Heavenly Father, thank you for the marvelous trip and how it touched me. As I journeyed to the Holy Land, I learned more about you and your people. Thank you for the old friends and the new ones. You are an awesome God. Amen

Allowing Myself to Trust

He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not be weary. They will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 41: 29-31 NIV

Anxious thoughts consumed me the last few days. Elevated blood pressure. Precautionary treatment for Lyme disease. Fatigue, nausea, and listlessness plagued me. I could only think of how terrible I felt. Wondering if I could even go on my upcoming trip.

Traveling without Alan heightened the stress. Loneliness increased my tension. Sleep was elusive. I felt like crawling into a cocoon and waiting for the metamorphosis.

Friends responded to my plea for prayers. Days became a little brighter. 

Another doctor’s visit relieved concerns. Blood pressure eased downward. Offending medications were stopped. 

Gradually, I felt better and began looking forward to my trip again. 

Sleep improved. In the darkness before dawn, I prayed. “Take away my anxiety. You’ve taken care of me during all sorts of situations--divorce, moves, death, living alone, being a single parent. Thank you. I trust that you will continue as I take this trip. Amen.”

An answer came. “Finally. You’re trusting Me again.”

Weight from the past week lifted. With a lightened heart, I looked forward to a magnificent journey discovering more of the lands of the Bible. 

Instead of concentrating on my own health issues, I’ll travel with an improved attitude. I plan to embrace others and comfort those who need comfort. I pray that I will become closer to God. 

Dear Lord, thank you for being my rock and support during hard times. Help me to trust you and not try to do everything on my own. Open my heart to your Spirit. Amen

Thank you for all of the prayers. Please pray for safety, protection, and an openness to the Holy Spirit for our group. Also pray for all of our families at home.  

Message from a Spider Web

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3: 4-5 NIV

I have told you these things so that you will be whole and at peace. In this world, you will be plagued with times of trouble, but you need not fear; I have triumphed over this corrupt world order. John 16: 33 The Voice

Sunlight glistened on long, thin strands stretched from the roof to small bushes. A spider moved about her two foot web. Carefully crafted designs circled an intricate center. 

Gentle breezes swung the web, but she continued adding to her silky maze. Then, like a magician, she removed a large wedge with no evidence of the threads.

With her work done, she crawled to the center. All day I checked on her. She didn’t move.

The following morning she was in the same position. More holes distorted her creation. With the web disintegrating around her, she stayed immobilized in the middle.

On the fourth day, she was gone. So was most of her beautiful web. Tattered remnants waved dejectedly. I stared at the distorted mess. 

Some days my life felt like the forlorn web. Parts ripped out. Too many losses. A sticky jumble of a once happy, fulfilling life. 

Surprisingly, attached to the jumbled remains, sturdy strands gleamed. Even though most of the web had been destroyed, the anchors held firmly. The web couldn’t fall because of the long strings.

Through all of the pain and grief, God holds onto me. He has never let go even when I was battered with my life falling apart. 

With painstaking care, God will heal me. He will repair and create a different design from the shreds of my former life.

Heavenly Father, take the hurt and make something new. Help me to use the pain to comfort others. Amen