Following the Path

“Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul. Teach me to do your will, for you are my God; may your good Spirit lead me on level ground.”

(Psalm 143: 8, 10 NIV)

            Orange light peeked through the trees and lit up the milky, blue sky. Like a long tail, the small duck’s wake followed him across the dark, still lake.

            His little waves changed the water and kept moving and moving. He didn’t go in circles, zigzag or look backwards. With perseverance and determination, he focused on his forward course.

            At times I feel like I am going in circles and jumping from one activity to another. I wonder if I am even making a difference in the world.

            The little duck reminded me to focus on God’s plan for me and not look back at what used to be. If I continue with perseverance and determination, He will send my ripples in the perfect direction.

Heavenly Father, thank you for using your creatures to teach me. Lead me in the way you want me to go. Amen

Tearful Thanksgiving

                                  

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. 1 Thessalonians 5: 16-18 NKJV

            Piles of slick advertisements laid on the counter. Each one urged shoppers to shop instead of spending time with family and friends. Many will overspend to buy things for those left at home.

            My wants are not in any colorful catalogue. I wish empty chairs could be filled with those who have left us. I thought this year would be easier but tears continue to flow, stop and start again.

            Shelves of family pictures, computer images scrolling across my screen and memories remind me of those who no longer celebrate with us.

            Beautiful weather beckoned me outside. A bike ride through my neighborhood and fresh air made me feel better for a while. Seeing couples walking together brought more tears, but I continued riding.

            When I turned to go home, I saw it. A partial but bright rainbow glistened against white clouds.  There was no evidence of rain but God’s rainbow lightened my sadness. He promised to be with me even in the darkest times.

            Giving thanks in everything seems impossible but isn’t. I am thankful for all that I have and have had. I am trying to concentrate on what remains.

            For millions of people what I have left is much more than they could ever imagine. A loving family. Many friends. Abundant food. Good health. Comfortable home. Peaceful country. Freedom. Knowing Jesus.

            Writing about my blessings helped to focus on my blessings and not my losses.

            I pray you all have a good Thanksgiving no matter the circumstances. I especially pray for those who also have empty chairs at the table.

Father, thank you for the blessings and promises you give to us. Amen

All I Want Is...

May the Lord of peace Himself give you peace always in every way.

2 Thessalonians 3: 16(NKJV)

            With missing singers, I was one of only two altos in a group of around twenty. I struggled to find the right notes and sing out. My partner and I tried to blend our voices with the chorus but were drowned out by the other parts.

            In a larger section of altos, I could find the notes and sing louder. But my confidence shrank with an almost solo.

             Our conductor sang with us on some songs and tried to help us along. His wife, who passed away a few months ago, had been my leader. With her strong voice beside me, my confidence grew. Her kindness welcomed me when I joined the chorus. When Alan died, her compassion comforted me.

            I missed her as a fellow alto and friend. My grief intensified as I thought of  the upcoming Christmas. Her husband’s first without her. My second without Alan.

            Memories flooded my mind. Two years ago, though weakened and on oxygen, Alan attended our Christmas performance. He encouraged me to sing even when I wanted to stay home with him because we knew it would be our last holiday together.

            Thankfully, practice ended. I wanted to leave and grieve alone.

            As parting remarks, the director said, “The first song we will practice next time will be “All I Want for Christmas”.

            I opened the music and scanned the words. “All I want for Christmas is you.” Grief stabbed me. I struggled to block the tears. The song brought more reminders of what I wouldn’t have. Dad, Mother, Alan, my friend.

            I hurried to my car. Sadness rode home with me but only a few tears escaped. At home, I prepared to meet friends for the evening. As I became immersed in the present and looked to the future, grief slowly slipped away.

            For me, grief often strikes unexpectedly but doesn’t always come when I think it will. Fortunately, its visits are not as long or burdensome as they used to be.

            I remember how God has been with me through each step and won’t leave me alone.

Father, thank you for your commitment to love and protect me. Amen