All I Want Is...

May the Lord of peace Himself give you peace always in every way.

2 Thessalonians 3: 16(NKJV)

            With missing singers, I was one of only two altos in a group of around twenty. I struggled to find the right notes and sing out. My partner and I tried to blend our voices with the chorus but were drowned out by the other parts.

            In a larger section of altos, I could find the notes and sing louder. But my confidence shrank with an almost solo.

             Our conductor sang with us on some songs and tried to help us along. His wife, who passed away a few months ago, had been my leader. With her strong voice beside me, my confidence grew. Her kindness welcomed me when I joined the chorus. When Alan died, her compassion comforted me.

            I missed her as a fellow alto and friend. My grief intensified as I thought of  the upcoming Christmas. Her husband’s first without her. My second without Alan.

            Memories flooded my mind. Two years ago, though weakened and on oxygen, Alan attended our Christmas performance. He encouraged me to sing even when I wanted to stay home with him because we knew it would be our last holiday together.

            Thankfully, practice ended. I wanted to leave and grieve alone.

            As parting remarks, the director said, “The first song we will practice next time will be “All I Want for Christmas”.

            I opened the music and scanned the words. “All I want for Christmas is you.” Grief stabbed me. I struggled to block the tears. The song brought more reminders of what I wouldn’t have. Dad, Mother, Alan, my friend.

            I hurried to my car. Sadness rode home with me but only a few tears escaped. At home, I prepared to meet friends for the evening. As I became immersed in the present and looked to the future, grief slowly slipped away.

            For me, grief often strikes unexpectedly but doesn’t always come when I think it will. Fortunately, its visits are not as long or burdensome as they used to be.

            I remember how God has been with me through each step and won’t leave me alone.

Father, thank you for your commitment to love and protect me. Amen