My little children, don’t just talk about
love as an idea or theory. Make it your true way of life, and live in the pattern of gracious love. (1
John 3: 18 The Voice)
After being hit with a storm of
grief on Alan’s birthday three days ago, today I remember my dad’s death four
years ago. Time passed quickly and slowly at the same time. Missing them makes
it seem like yesterday. But the years passed in an instant.
Over the years, Dad worked hard to
provide for his family. When I was a child, he painted tall barns, houses and
three story schools to stretch his meager teacher’s salary. He knew poverty. As
the youngest of eight, he faced life without a mother at an early age.
Her death forced
the older children to take over the household. They learned perseverance and
bonded in love to survive.
That determination stayed with him.
When I took him to doctor’s appointments or hospital stays, Dad pulled out his
list of surgeries and medications. But with each setback, he pushed himself to
return to normal and his sports—track, softball, and basketball—as a decorated
senior. Medals, from events all over the United States, covered one wall of
their garage.
But after a stroke and complications
from prostate cancer, he didn’t bounce back. Continued procedures didn’t fix
the problems but caused more misery.
At a family meeting of children,
grandchildren, and spouses, we calmly discussed advantages and disadvantages of
continuing more treatments. We knew the
difficult decision would have no long term positive outcome.
“Do you know where you are going?”
someone asked.
“Yes,” he answered, “to heaven.”
Then he looked at Mother, his wife
of almost sixty-eight years. As a team, they loved each other and overcame many
obstacles. He looked out for her as leukemia attacked her body. When she
regressed, he visited her in the nursing home multiple times a day to be sure
she was taken care of. When he also needed assistance, they moved to Ken and
Kim’s home.
As he pondered the decision, Dad let
us know she would be provided for financially. He knew our family would
continue to care for her. But he didn’t want to leave her.
With a strong voice, she said, “I’ll
be ok.”
Only then did he reply. “Then I
don’t want any more treatments.”
What a heart breaking decision for
all of us. However, their love and determination offered comfort. Dad
immediately joined Mother in hospice care even though outwardly he seemed to be
doing pretty well.
Only a week later, Dad died. Never
had I imagined he would pass before Mother or Alan because of their terminal
illnesses.
The love they expressed the day of
our family meeting filled my heart and made the transition a little easier. A
few months later, a reminder of their unselfish love comforted me as Alan and I
faced a similar situation.
Alan also declined further treatment
as his condition worsened. During the first part of his time in hospice, he
diligently worked to make sure his affairs were in order. Even though the
process tired him, he wanted his passing to be as easy for me as possible.
The unselfish love the three of them
exhibited radiated to their families, friends and continues to shine.
Heavenly Father, thank you for the love
and precious lives of my parents and Alan. Help me to show your love even as I
grieve. Amen
