Another Difficult Day

Young women will dance for joy: young men will join them, old ones too. For I will turn their mourning into joy. I will comfort My people and replace their sorrow with gladness. Jeremiah 31: 13 The Voice

And finally He said to me, “My grace is enough to cover and sustain you. My power is made perfect in weakness.” 

2 Corinthians 12: 9 The Voice

As I read my morning devotionals, those verses stood out and gave me comfort. 

With over a year of turmoil and grief, I often wonder if there is an end. Will I be able to handle it? What next? 

Then I read just the right verse. I recall countless times when I was given comfort and strength. Prayers from around the world have covered me. Love has held me up.

Today I need extra doses of it all. Last night Hospice began twenty-four hour crisis care for mother to manage her pain and make her final time more comfortable.

For years she endured leukemia and various other health issues with little complaining. For over a year, her world shrunk to a hospital bed, wheelchair, and limited mobility. Her body is wearing out and she is ready to go.

I long for her to escape the pain. But her leaving intensifies my other recent losses. Losing both parents makes me an orphan. 

As mother lay near death months ago, I listened and comforted my dad as we grieved. When he died, Alan listened and comforted me as I cried. 

When Alan faced death, I listened and comforted him as he endured a limited lifestyle. The way he was joyful in dying was a gift but couldn’t take away my sadness. He said, “ I don’t know why you have had so much pain, but God has a plan.”

Today I cry alone. Three of my biggest supporters can no longer comfort me or listen when I grieve. 

What is God’s plan? Will normal return? 

Then I remember. Years without major struggles. Happy times. Even in pain and grief, blessings appear. Family, friends, and even strangers lift me up. God provides what I need.

On the news I see people struggling to survive and facing horrendous situations. Compared to them, my losses seem minor. I am not alone in grieving. 

I am so thankful for the hundreds of prayers from around the world, hugs, and endless acts of kindness. Each one gives me strength, hope, and encouragement as I travel this difficult road.

Numerous verses come to mind such as “We are comforted so we can comfort others.” I pray that I can reach out to help others in their pain and grief.

Alan’s final words to me from Joshua 1: 9 constantly uphold me. I see him looking in my eyes and saying, “Do not be afraid or discouraged. The Lord your God is with you always. I love you.” 

Three hours later, he was gone. But what a legacy he left for me.