Moving On

2 Corinthians 1:2-4 May the grace and peace from God our Father and the the Lord Jesus the Anointed One, surround you. He is the Father of Compassion, the God of all comfort. He consoles us as we endure the pain and hardship of life so that we may draw from His comfort and share it with others in their own struggles. The Voice

A tiny rose patch glowed between the pines. Within seconds, a giant paintbrush tinted the eastern sky with pink and blue. A ball of fire blazed behind the forest along the shoreline. Reflections shimmered on the dark lake. Birds twittered. 

As I watched the spectacular display, I thought of the recent deaths of Alan and my dad. The sunrise enfolded me in my pain. It offered hope and comfort for my continuing journey. 

I wondered. Did they see my sunrise? Are they watching me?

Clouds dissipated. A yellowish-white glow replaced pink and blue in the ever changing sky. The colors were different but still lovely.

My life constantly changes too. Loved ones and friends come and go. Little stays the same. 

I can’t stop the progression of life. If I resist and desperately hang on to the past, I will be miserable. My other choice is to accept and adapt to my new life so I can move on. 

Even as he was dying, Alan prepared me for life without him. I wanted to pretend he would get better and didn’t want to go through files, update accounts with only my name, and watch him give away his clothes and special mementos. But he wanted to make life as easy as he could for me after he was gone. 

His desire was for me to continue living and serving. Each day I think of Alan and my dad and how they touched lives. Both left a legacy that remains a vital part of my life.

Loving Father, thank you for those you put in my life who nurtured and loved me. Help me to spread their legacies as I move on. Amen

Another Surprise Ending

Be strong and brave and don’t tremble in fear of them, because the Eternal your God is going with you. He’ll never fail you or abandon you. Deuteronomy 31:6  The Voice

More drawers to empty. Kitchen cabinets, bathroom vanities, dressers. All held memories of my mom and dad. 

As my brothers and I prepared to sell our parents’ condo, decisions had to be made. For each item the same questions--keep it, sell it, give it away or throw it away? The process had worn me down physically and emotionally. 

Months ago, I has said good bye to dad. With each of his things, I had to do it again. A basketball signed by the Orlando Magic for his retirement. Medals for softball, basketball, and track from his senior games. A folded piece of paper with a devotional on patience. Something he struggled with. 

With Mother’s weakened condition, she would never return to their home. Sadness filled me as I remembered her energy and enthusiasm for making their condo a home. Dishes and pans that would never contain her delicious meals filled the cabinets. Flower arrangements, needlework, and crocheted items decorated the rooms. 

Reminders of happier times blossomed everywhere. Love for each other and their family stood out. 

After working for days, we had covered much of the house. Everyone else had left so I was continuing to clean out. In the bedroom, I hesitated. What would I find in the nightstand? 

I pulled out the first drawer. Empty. The second drawer was also empty. However,  when I tried to put them back, they wobbled. I pushed and pulled with no success. By sitting on the floor, I could see the track to get them aligned. 

Something caught my eye in the back of the nightstand. I reached inside and grabbed a wrinkled paper. I smoothed it out. 

Through tears, I read the title-- Letter from Heaven. There was no author listed. As I continued reading, I cried.

To my dearest family, some things I’d like to say

But first of all, to let you know, that I arrived ok.

I’m writing this from heaven. Here I dwell with God above 

Here, there’s no more tears of sadness; Here is just eternal love.

Please do not be unhappy just because I am out of sight.

Remember that I am with you every morning, noon and night.

That day I had to leave you when my life on earth was through

God picked me up and hugged me and He said, “ I welcome you.

It’s good to have you back again, you were missed while you were gone.

As for your dearest family, they’ll be here later on.

I need you here badly, you’re part of my plan

There’s so much that we have to do, to help our mortal man.”

God gave me a list of things, that he wished for me to do

And foremost on the list, was to watch and care for you.

And when you lie in bed at night, the day’s chores put to flight

God and I are closest to you... in the middle of the night.

When you think of my life on earth, and all those loving years

Because you are only human, they are bound to bring you tears.

But do not be afraid to cry, it does relieve the pain.

Remember there would be no flowers, unless there was some rain.

I wish that I could tell you all that God has planned.

But if I were to tell you, you wouldn’t understand.

But one thing is for certain, though my life on earth is o’er,

I’m closer to you now, than I ever was before.

There are many rocky roads ahead of you and many hills to climb

But together we can do it by taking one day at a time.

It was always my philosophy and I’d like it for you too;

That as you give unto the world, the world will give to you.

If you can help somebody who’s in sorrow and in pain;

Then you can say to God at night... “My day was not in vain.”

And now I am contented... that my life was all worthwhile

Knowing as I passed along the way, I made somebody smile.

So if you meet somebody who is sad and feeling low,

Just lend a hand to pick him up, as on your way you go.

When you’re walking down the street and you’ve got me on your mind;

I’m walking in your footsteps only half a step behind.

And when it’s time for you to go... from that body to be free,

Remember you’re not going... you’re coming here to me.

That poem, though maybe not theologically accurate, comforted me. I pictured dad and Alan watching my difficult times since their recent deaths. 

God knew I needed comfort and encouragement at that moment. Loneliness pushed its way into my life as I struggled to close another chapter of my life. The surprise poem brought be closer to God and those I had lost. No one sat with me in the condo, but I knew I was not alone. 

God’s perfect timing revealed a poem long ago stowed in that drawer. Through my tears, I thanked God for taking care of me in all situations.

Heavenly Father, thank you for always being with me and surprising me with peace, comfort, and joy. Amen

Hold on Tightly

Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom, and your dominion endures through all generations. The Lord is faithful to all his promises and loving toward all He has made. The Lord upholds all those who fall and lifts up all who are bowed down. 

Psalm 145:13-14 NIV

Gusts shook the four cypress trees. Not one leaf adorned the branches. Gray clouds stormed across the threatening sky. Wind whistled around the corner of my patio. Ripples swept from one shore to the other. 

Only one duck braved the erratic wind. Tiny songbirds perched in the swaying trees. Despite their smallness and the continuing blasts, their teeny legs held tightly. None of them stumbled or fell. They had been created to hold on even in the turbulence. 

Sometimes I feel like those little birds holding on desperately while being blown and battered. I grab onto my Bible and read stories of people like David, Joseph, and Paul.  I receive strength, hope and encouragement from their lives because God held them securely when life beat them up. 

Just as He protected them in difficult times, his love and faithfulness will comfort and protect me too.

Heavenly Father, thank you for holding me tightly even when stormy situations batter me. Amen

Black and White to Color

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8: 28 NIV

A gauzy shawl wrapped itself around the lake. A spotlight of sun turned on and off. Against the gray sky, barren cypress limbs reached skyward. An abandoned nest nestled on a high branch next to tiny songbird silhouettes. 

On the lake, a long line of black cormorants drifted. Faint, dark trees stood as sentries on the far shore. The unusual black and white picture mirrored my mood.

Every exposed limb, branch, and imperfection enthralled me. Nothing was hidden. Though colorless, there was a simple beauty to the starkness. 

Like the bare cypress, Alan’s death exposed my raw emotions of pain, sadness, and loneliness. Nothing could be hidden or disguised. Color left my life. 

However, without a covering of leaves, the trees remain sturdy and upright. They appear dead but soon buds will sprout and new leaves will grow. Foliage will cover the limbs and create a haven for birds. Each season serves a purpose in the tree’s life. 

Even though I would rather skip the painful, exposed parts, this season’s difficulties strengthen me and help me grow. Hopefully, I can use lessons from my pain to comfort others and be ready for the next more colorful season.

Loving Father, comfort your children in their times of distress. Give hope for easier seasons. Amen

A Stray Hair

A hair glistened on the lampshade. Carefully, I took it off and held it between my fingers. Should I keep it? A few weeks ago, the hair would have been in the garbage without a thought. Nothing was the same now. 

The wavy, silver hair wasn’t mine. Memories of Alan bombarded me and made me smile.

While relaxing on the couch, I had given him hundreds of head rubs through the silver hair which he always said was blonde. 

Multiple times I cut his thick, wavy locks. How scared I was of messing up when he first asked me to be his barber. At that time, he sported a military type flat top.  Later the style lengthened. His hair thinned, and an almost bald spot became a challenge to hide. The sessions always gave us time to talk and laugh.

His last hair cut was only a couple of weeks before he died. He sat in the driveway of our new house without needing his 02. Neighbors stopped to chat. We enjoyed the weather and never thought it would be the last time. 

The stray hair went into the trash because I didn’t need it to remember him. Though tears threatened, pleasant memories pushed them away.

During the last few months, we spent hours talking and wanted to share our thoughts. Alan was able to do that with many people, and I need to continue in his memory.

Live each day as though it was your last. It might be. Cherish your loved ones. Make special memories. Be thankful for what God has given to you. 

Do all things without complaining or bickering with each other. Philippians 2:15 

(The Voice)

With every sun’s rising, surprise us with Your love, satisfy us with Your kindness. Then we will sing with joy and celebrate every day we are alive. Psalm 90: 14 (The Voice)

Father, thank you for every day. Help us to be thankful for those you have given to us. Amen

Molly's Picture

On our trip to Virginia, I had given each of the girls small, numbered presents to open. One was a package of post it notes. 

When Molly opened hers, she grabbed a pen in her tiny hand and began drawing. After carefully putting a picture in the top corner, she announced, “This is mommy’s sad face when grandpa died.”

Anne and I looked at each other in surprise. Molly’s three year old mind processed more than we imagined.

“We were sad when grandpa died,” I told her, “because we miss him. But we know he is with Jesus.”

She agreed and went back to her drawing.

Children can guide us as we deal with the hard parts of life. Acknowledge the pain. Don’t dwell on the past. Go on with life. 

Psalm 127: 3 Know this: children are a gift from the Eternal...(The Voice)

Psalm 128: 6 May you have the privilege of seeing your grandchildren as they grow... 

(The Voice)

Father, help us be more like children in trusting you. Amen

Another Dreary Day

Rain pattered the roof and dented the lake. Dark clouds shut off the sun. Wisps of fog swirled across the water. I huddled under a blanket and watched.

Events of the last four weeks, replayed in my mind. Alan’s sudden death remained with me every day. But tears don’t come as frequently. I laugh occasionally and can think of other things. God continues to teach me lessons and provide gifts which comfort and encourage me.

As I gazed at the lake, I variety of birds visited. A brilliant scarlet cardinal hopped from branch to branch on the bare cypress. His bright color reminded me that God shows up even in the gloominess of life.

Nine anhingas (snakebirds) fascinated me. Their bodies, like overloaded boats, sank beneath the water. They looked like gliding cobras drifting across the lake. They dove for morning morsels, resurfaced, and shook their heads so breakfast could slide down their long necks.

Unlike most resident birds, the great white egret didn’t blend with its surroundings. Its bright whiteness defied the dreariness. Stepping along the shore, it circled the lake and stopped in front of my patio. After its elegant stroll, the stately bird hunched over like a feeble, old man and waited. Then its neck stretched out like a long pipe, formed an S, and finally disappeared into its feathery body. 

A smaller white bird flapped its wings vigorously. Its flight went up, down, and around the anhingas. It dove toward the water and aborted the landing inches from the lake. After several attempts, it sailed into the water like a rocket, submerged for a couple of seconds, and resumed its frenzied quest for food.

Though they were all in the same place, every bird behaved differently. I am learning that dealing with grief is the same way. The cause of my grief stays the same but how I handle it varies from day to day and minute to minute. Just when I think I have reached a milestone, a picture, a thought, a Valentine, a question... causes an unexpected response. Likewise, each person experiencing grief does it in a way and time unique to him/her.  

I pray each day for peace, comfort, and strength to face whatever comes. God constantly provides. 

Alan’s last words to me remain etched in my mind. “Do not be afraid or discouraged. The Lord your God is with you always.” (Joshua 1: 9) “I love you.”

When I repeat those words, I feel close to him. He kept telling me that God would take care of me. That continues to happen through so many people.

Isaiah 41: 10 So don’t be afraid, I am here with you; don’t be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you, help you. I am here with My right hand to make right and to hold you up. (The Voice)

Heavenly Father, thank you for taking care of me always. Amen