Rain pattered the roof and dented the lake. Dark clouds shut off the sun. Wisps of fog swirled across the water. I huddled under a blanket and watched.
Events of the last four weeks, replayed in my mind. Alan’s sudden death remained with me every day. But tears don’t come as frequently. I laugh occasionally and can think of other things. God continues to teach me lessons and provide gifts which comfort and encourage me.
As I gazed at the lake, I variety of birds visited. A brilliant scarlet cardinal hopped from branch to branch on the bare cypress. His bright color reminded me that God shows up even in the gloominess of life.
Nine anhingas (snakebirds) fascinated me. Their bodies, like overloaded boats, sank beneath the water. They looked like gliding cobras drifting across the lake. They dove for morning morsels, resurfaced, and shook their heads so breakfast could slide down their long necks.
Unlike most resident birds, the great white egret didn’t blend with its surroundings. Its bright whiteness defied the dreariness. Stepping along the shore, it circled the lake and stopped in front of my patio. After its elegant stroll, the stately bird hunched over like a feeble, old man and waited. Then its neck stretched out like a long pipe, formed an S, and finally disappeared into its feathery body.
A smaller white bird flapped its wings vigorously. Its flight went up, down, and around the anhingas. It dove toward the water and aborted the landing inches from the lake. After several attempts, it sailed into the water like a rocket, submerged for a couple of seconds, and resumed its frenzied quest for food.
Though they were all in the same place, every bird behaved differently. I am learning that dealing with grief is the same way. The cause of my grief stays the same but how I handle it varies from day to day and minute to minute. Just when I think I have reached a milestone, a picture, a thought, a Valentine, a question... causes an unexpected response. Likewise, each person experiencing grief does it in a way and time unique to him/her.
I pray each day for peace, comfort, and strength to face whatever comes. God constantly provides.
Alan’s last words to me remain etched in my mind. “Do not be afraid or discouraged. The Lord your God is with you always.” (Joshua 1: 9) “I love you.”
When I repeat those words, I feel close to him. He kept telling me that God would take care of me. That continues to happen through so many people.
Isaiah 41: 10 So don’t be afraid, I am here with you; don’t be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you, help you. I am here with My right hand to make right and to hold you up. (The Voice)
Heavenly Father, thank you for taking care of me always. Amen
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